Mr. Antulay...What's wrong with you?

It happened before and it has happened again.News of the day: Minority affairs misnister " A R Antulay" demanded a probe into the shooting of ATS chief Hemant Karakare on 26/11.He claims that it was a cover-up as he was supposedly involved in the probe of Malegaon blast.I am simply annoyed and surprised at his allegations.Where was Mr.Antulay when all the terrorists were going bonkers?Is he aware of the fact that quite a few NSG commandos died fighting them?To get his facts right ... weren't there quite a few cops who laid their lives saving our skin?Maybe he didn't think about it...Agreed ...Mr.Karkare was investigating the Malegaon blasts , but isn't Mr. Antulay just supporting some Pakistani scribes who are claiming that the whole 26/11 episode was a handiwork of Hindu Zionists.I think he is wrong. All for some bloody publicity Mr. Antulay has hurt the sentiments of all the people who suffered during this carnage directly or indirectly.

"Sir !! Please get your facts right and then speak out.You have some responsibilities so please SHUT UP...when you really can't talk any sense."

Sum of all Fear !!

Sick and tired of looking at all these newspaper showing numbers and 
stats of everything and anything.X number of people died in Y number of 
blasts with Z number of injuries. Numbers in politics. How many more 
candidates do we require to form the government? Everyday I read these 
set of TEN questions put forward by a local daily about what Mumbaiites 
are asking? How many soldiers are dying everyday? For how many months 
the investigations will continue? How many innocent lives? How many 
broken homes ? I am fiddling around with numbers as well ...how many 
buses I should miss so that I get the least crowded bus? My fears and my 
beliefs...crowded places attract more terrorists.Will it be OK if I miss 
THREE more locals so that I get a slow train? Why I feel that a fast 
train might have a bomb? Why have I started feeling that the SIXTH and 
the SEVENTH (Saturday n Sunday) day are more prone to attacks ? Its been 
more than TWO weeks... SIXTEEN days to be precise since 26/11 and I am 
still scared. Still not sure if everything is alright.I can't say that I 
am not scared.I seriously am !!!However I wont keep quiet .I wont let my 
anger calm down...not so soon..even if I am ONE of those numbers who are 
suffering.


PS : I am the saddest person today as my Boss (The coolest Boss on 
Earth) is leaving for Australia. Hope he comes back soon !!!! Maybe , I 
have to start counting the number of days he will take to come 
back....again these bloody numbers !!

I am A POLITICIAN

I am a bloody Politician.
I came and I left , but my legacy remains !!
The same tarnished image
So full of lust , so bloody insane !!

Doesn't matter if my city burns
Doesn't matter if everyone dies,
Nothing can change me , nothing can move me
Be it your dying daughter or my mother's cries !!

I may say that you can't stay in my city
I forgot that some of you died saving the same city
"I Will face your calamities" Am kidding !!
I wouldn't dare !!!
I am there for all of you,
Have no fear !!

Got no respect for laws,coz I am the Law !!
Wherever I go,make sure you make the way
Don't you forget to bow .
Doesn't matter if you get shot on your way home
I am your protector ." Yes I am the one"

Your home was gutted,your mother was raped !!
You were there and I was always hiding behind you.
Why are you complaining now?
Wasn't it you who got me here ?
Don't regret !! Of Course . It was you !!

Is there any way out?

Every time I go and sit in front of the T.V. same pictures come to my head.Someone running away from the chaos,someone hiding in some corner or someone who is so shocked that he doesn't know where to go or where to run.Boom boom...Bang !!! 

Irrespective of such huge losses..nothings gonna ch

ange ! Life moves on right? I am surprised at the fact that all politicians are more concerned about earning some brownie points before the elections.Home minister has resigned.Seems like he took the moral responsibility.Was he sleeping all this time? Deputy CM of Maharashtra has the audacity to say that such small incidents keep on happening in a big city like Mumbai.What was he thinking when he said so?Is that we keep waiting for 

a bigger disaster where more than a thousand die.Someone is always busy making the North- West divide.Did he realise that there were lots of non-Maharashtrian cops who laid their lives protecting us ? Hope he has some bit of shame inside him.Maybe I am wrong.

One of my friend told me that "Every country deserves the government it has" . Maybe he is right coz we are so indifferent, least bothered about what is happening around us . Who takes the responsibility. Its about time that the citizens take responsibility,as Government is doing nothing.If needed we should take the law in our hands and I don't think that will be a bad idea. I can't see any other way out...what about you?

                                                                                                                                            

Just another blast...Big Deal !!!

Another busy day filled with news reports of death,blood and tears.God only knows how many died and how many more are going to die.We will forget soon...afterall they are just numbers.It really gives me creeps thinking about the fact that someone next to me is planning to create a major chaos ...mass destruction.Someone I saw in the train is going to blow the whole goddamn train.Someone partying in a disco is actually planning to blow the whole thing up...Can you believe it? Naaah...I am just kidding darling !!!

No matter whatever happens India is shining.Crap !! Its burning !!

We will fight back...bull shit !! We will let some innocent cops die.

What about the SPIRIT OF MUMBAI ? We will drown all these pain with some beer in a nearby pub...if not tomorrow ,then next week !!!

What happens to the country? Our politicians are there for us baby!! So many of them.They have found a hot topic for election debate.You know all of these mayhem was due to some foreign forces.How lame !!

What happens to Mumbai stalwarts claiming that Mumbai is for only for the locals.The great North - West divide !! What about those guys who laid their lives just to save our arses? Well maybe they are an exception...aren't they? Our h'norable ministers found enough time to hog the limelight in the prime time television.Every body wants to be a part of the action ..no matter what.Everyone's got a great story to talk about...oops I forgot to mention that they are the main leads of these stories. Damn...they are so cool...I mean the politicians.

Let the country burn !! WE are there to enjoy all of it.The politicians wont mind the country getting screwed Right,Left and Centre !! Oh!! They are so good at that.

So where do we go from here?

Is the government going to do something about all  these chaos ? Maybe till the time this news gets old ,they will forget.I don't blame them!! They have too many things on their plate right now...so lets not bother them at all.

Maybe some zillion years from now we will have a safe and secured life.Till then.... !!!!

When will it end ????

Another day aand another mayhem.B'bay was rocked by one of the worst terror attacks and we all are helpless.Some crazy lunatics went on a killing spree here killing hundreds and injuring thousands.Buning quite a few places and wiping thousands of dreams and hopes.

Its not about how many people died but the way they died.I am going through mixed emotions...that of sorrow..anger and frustration.Hostage drama is still going on.Feeling sorry about the brave cops who died in the process.I have just realised how wrong I was in criticzing cops all the time.If only I could have done something.

Me and my friends were lucky.Otherwise I wouldn't have been itting here writing this page.I was near Oberoi hotel waiting for my friends.Luckily I met them in Marine Drive opposite the ill fated hotel.Firing started after fifteen minutes.We were lucky. Then we decided to head off to another place to have dinner.Couldn't make it.Unfortunately there was a blast at that place also.We wre lucky for the second time.By the time I reached home it was two in the night.Luck was surely with us.

When this chaos going to stop? How long we will keep quite?Why can't we make them taste their own medicine? They will hurt us no matter what we do,so might as well hurt them and get lkilled.I know for a fact that I am fighting for a lost cause.Isn't there anything we can do? How long do we wait? Can't anyone help us? Can't we fight back? Heaven only knows !!!

Random quotes

Packing , unpacking running off to this place or that are the only thing I am doing these days.Frustrations at office and top it up with the chaos at home.It surely is taking its toll.There is a saturation point and I feel I am the threshold.All these anger and frustrations might bast up anytime and I am really not looking forward to it.Nothing seems to work out and I hate being at the back foot.I really wonder why there are so many hypocrites and selfish people surrounding me.Getting kicked around all the time is not a pleasant thing.Things I want to forget keeps on coming back.The past starts haunting me whenever I am in my comfort zone.Graves are dug again and again.Things are going haywire and I cant find any remedy to it.

Enough of my cribbing.God !! I sound like one old complaining granny.

I am in a very abstract mood.Sometimes when you feel something about someone, you just hope that the feelings are mutual....but the irony is that it never works out with anyone.There is a constant feeling of mistrust.If only all such things existed then life would have been so much better.Oh!! Whats wrong with me????

PS: Why the two faces of a coin are so different from each other ? Why cant people come clean? Why do people talk behind our backs? Why there are so much of complications? Why all of us are hypocrites? Why is it that I am the only sufferer?

BADMAN and The Assam Blasts

Guys I don't know whether it is the right thing to address this issue over here again and again and how Bangladeshi migrants have over populated the whole place and how they are creating a breeding ground for terror not only in Assam but all over India.How our indifference is killing us through and through and how nothing has been done about finding the people involved.This needs to be seriously tackled and maybe all of us can come out with something concrete.

A News article says that one can't also rule out the BADMAN theory which was circulating on the net a few months ago.This theory propagated has come to fore yet again with the Assam Blasts.The user who posted the topic - many believe he could be one of the terrorists - abbreviated the words in 'BADMAN' in serial order of the target places i.E. Bangalore, Ahmedabad and Delhi.
What next?

Who will it be?

When will it be ?
Maybe some place with "N" or maybe someplace which we can't even think about.
What happened to our so called awesome Intelligence ?
Maybe all we will do is the most convenient thing..by forgetting whatever happened.If that happens then I will pray that we all " RUST IN PEACE "

Present : Imperfact Future : Tensed

New Delhi, November 9 :
A congratulatory message from Bangladesh, intercepted a day after the serial blasts in Assam, holds the key to the investigation into the bombings. The intercept suggests the main planner was in Agartala and adds to evidence against the Harkat-ul-Jehad-al-Islami, which New Delhi will soon take up with Dhaka.
INDIANEXPRESS.COM
Guwahati, November 1 :
In an SMS message sent to local ‘News Live’ television channel, the ISF-IM claimed responsibility for Thursday’s blasts and threatened to carry out more bomb explosions in several parts of the country. “We, ISF-IM, take the responsibility of yesterday blast. We warn all of Assam and India for situation like this in future. We thank all our holy members and partners. AAamin,” the SMS read.
DNAINDIA.COM

These are a few snippets of the terror looming over our head,over our state..over India.The mere thought of someone appreciating for such an act is good enough to send shivers through your spine.Are we doing something about it? Practically No.Today we might catch some of these gentlemen behind this act but tomorrow they will be running Scot-free,killing more in the process.For how long we will adopt this liberal view? For how long we will follow the principle of peace and give a blind eye to such things?

Reports suggested the involvement of ULFA.At first I had my doubts.Can the same people who cry "Assam-Assam" at the simplest provocation join hands with an outsider to carry out such a ghastly act?Maybe I was wrong.I never supported ULFA .Being an Assamese you cant go ahead and burn your heaven.Maybe all these news reports will open our eyes.These terrorists cant be any one's friends or brothers.
Why so much of hatred? Why so much of innocent blood.Had we approached this problem with an iron fist we wouldn't have seen this day.So many families lost their only hope ,the light of their life.Its darkness everywhere.Innocent children for our better tomorrow were killed on their way to school.We were so shattered seeing violence for last 20 years,and this incident will make it all the worse.
Nothing will happen,till we do something. Writing about this issue is not worthwhile either.All we can do is keep our eyes and ears open and do the damage control before its too late.

A silent prayer for all those who departed
&
Hatred for the people who gave us darkness.......

Wake Up

Still can't get over the Blasts.

Why do they have to do something so terrible? I don't want to point fingers,however can't really get stop blaming the so called jehadis.The way they are killing so many innocent people,we don't have any option but to go for the kill.I would also like to thank our Govenment for screwing our lives so much.Was it so necessary to allow all the Bangladeshis to stay in Assam ,just for a few votes.Dirty and disgusting politics.We are the one to suffer for their blunder.Assam has filled with our so called neighbours and I feel thT the day is not far when Assam won't be a part of India.Assam is alrady so full with such refugees that we , the locals will be a minority soon.Why are we fighting to throw I ndians from our state? Instead we should throw all the refugees from our soil. Things which we can do today for the damage control:

1) Stop employing all these refugees for different manual work

2) Stop issuing voter IDs to all these people
3) Once and for all stop all the aids and assistence of these dirty rotten scroundels

4) Put in a serious effort (by hook or by crook) to eradicate these pests.

5) REMEMBER: These people will always try to put us down.If we don't fight back today then we will have no tomorrow. Kill 'em all !

JOI AAI ASOM

Jus' another day

Sometimes you curse your luck for the fact that you have too much of work and wish that your day gets over soon as soon as possible. However today is just the opposite.Lack of work or rather no work at all is making my day miserable.After a sleepless night I was expecting that work will keep me occupied. However here, every minute looks like an eternity.The new place is a total chaos.People are doing everything except work.The lack of professionalism shows irrespective of what clothes you were.I never expected this place to be so unprofessional.Maybe I am true or maybe I have the wrong attitude.Days are becoming really different days. Lots of catching up with certain someone and I hope that such changes don't change at all.

A trippy trip !!!

Finally after struggling for three months we shifted to a real corporate set up.It's not that I didn't like the previous place , but at least I get a chance to work peacefully.The last one month was really hectic, so full of surprises.The number of places I visited during this place. The whole month was full of setbacks, surprises and eventual joys. The joy of meeting new people, old people and the comfort of home. Setbacks...well I wouldn't say there weren't any.There were quite a lot of them. The harsh reality of life ,the fact that human life has no value.The bitter truth that someone's loss is someone's gain.The indifference of people like us and how we have lost all the innocence and ethics.I realised all of them when someone I met the other day is no more.The whirlwind tour of North-East and all those beautiful places.Going to Kohima and Shillong will be forever embedded in my mind.Maybe after several years ,I will remember everything that happened to the minute details coz it was so challenging.Got to visit home for a couple of days and it was such a welcome change.The peace at home and the comfort.Finally got to meet people whom I missed a lot all those while.Realisation of existence of something so pure and finally experiencing it (!!!).Maybe all these days were one of the best days of my life. An experience of a lifetime and memories to be cherished forever.

Dazed and Confused !!

Things at times change so drastically that it becomes difficult to keep a track of what's right what's wrong.It becomes difficult to know when the past left you and the present blows you hard and the future looks so bleak.

Reality:
An Illusion Or was it just a bad dream?
Was sailing in the sea of ecstacy,
With dozens of liitle sparkling bubbles
Remembering those days of agony
And the subsequent moments of happiness
Wondering if it was happening for real
Or the long wait was over.
Take:2
Heaven hasn't opened its door to me
My gem was nobbled
Was caught in my deep slumber
Completely unaware of the imminent catastrophe
I got was what I dreaded the most.
Looked at the mirror and
Saw Someone I hated the Most !!

Now memories are my only salvation
Not sure whom to lean on?
The sinful THEN?
Or the knavish NOW?

Scene:Weird

Tiring days @ work and surprisingly lazy evenings.The same monotony of work,travelling and struggle for survival continues.The cacophony of all the musical instruments at work,the constant nagging of people related to work (No..they are not the ones at office but the ones who call us up)and the work itself is not pulling me down.I am somehow enjoying this chaos and I think I am in total control.I was in control over everything till yesterday.but something swept me of my feet yesterday.Maybe it was the situation or maybe it was just the little sweet gesture by someone special.Whatever it was ,I do thank my stars for it.Not that I don't remember the past,but just that the moment of presence is divine and it negates the bitter past.I really can't and won't think about the future as it is never too rosy.Maybe I should just live the presence and walk on the thin line of bitter-sweet happiness.The past was too great to forget and the presence is too hectic to keep a track off.

PS: Of late I listen to "Creep" by Radiohead every now and then.Thanks to Greg.Nice song and crazy lyrics.

When you were here before

Couldn’t look you in the eye

You’re just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather

In a beautiful world

And I wish I was special

You’re so fuckin’ special !!!

I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don’t belong here.

I don’t care if it hurts

I want to have control

I want a perfect body

I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice

When I’m not around

You’re so fuckin’ special

I wish I was special

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don’t belong here.

She’s running out again,

She’s running out

She’s run run run running out...

Whatever makes you happy

Whatever you want

You’re so fuckin’ special

I wish I was special...

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo,

What the hell am I doing here?

I don’t belong here.I don’t belong here.

Hanging on !!!

These days I am hanging out with guys from the band "FAITH" quite a lot.Right from getting up in the morning to the late night jamming sessions...well ask me about it..am having fun ,loads of it. Every day I turn up at their place in the evening and shamelessly stick around for days.Somehow, I feel these days are probably the best days of my life,considering the fact that I went through lots of shit the whole year. I am planning to start a new blog completely dedicated to Rock N Roll.
Believe it or not,somehow I have started loving my job a lot.My bosses are a bunch of cool and caring people who really make me feel at home.So no more bitching about my bosses. I am still without a phone and I am not complaining.It is helping me in becoming a Socio-Phobic (I really wonder if there is something called socio-phobic).In a way it is helping me as no-one can irritate me by calling up anymore.Still without a place to stay and am living my life as a rolling stone.But..hey I am not complaining.

PS: God knows what happened to me,but tried contacting this bitch from my previous office.Luckily I don't call her anymore.
PS:I have started remembering the good old days in Marine Lines,thanks to the encounter with some old(****) friends of mine.

Take : 2

So finally I am back after running away from myself ,from B'bay , from everyone.Ajmer was fun so was Goa. Not a single day passed without day dreaming: of course about going there again. But here I am , back in he streets without a shelter and without having any clue of where I am heading to.

Luck is with me though.Got a job with two coolest bosses and am feeling at home.However my search for an accommodation still continues and I hope lady luck smiles.It was a frustrating day filled with lots of double standards. Wish I could say it all ,but its so hard.

A new job but not a new beginning. When will the things change? I really don't know.I have given up thinking about it too much.

Confessions of a Back Packer !!

Just another day at work with no productivity and I just hate it.I hate to admit it ,but I have really slowed down of late in terms of results.No matter how hard you work, your efforts are appreciated only when you give results and of late I am not doing it.Hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

Had a terrible weekend.Me and as usual my problems with the phone.Just that my phone lost an essential part of it.It's charging point.Just like the way we remember our behind only when we need it desperately,you don't think of the charging point of your cell-phone ,till your phone starts beeping reminding of the ever depleting battery.Anyway after realising that my battery is about to die I started thinking of all the people who can help me and bail me out of this mess.Only person I could remember at that point of time is this lovely girl who used to be my soul mate few months back and trust me I am still bleeding from that break up(now that is too much...but who cares).Now don't think that there is some connection of the phone with her ,but just that she stays in town and I was there at that point of time.Moreover I thought that probably her sister could also help me out(regarding the phone...idiot) as we had quite a heart-to-heart session few days back(Refer: What comes around ,goes around ).The answer I got was quite disgusting as one was not sure whether I could come over and the other was not sure if her charger was working.Hell yes...they ditched me ,and quite convincingly they pissed me off.How difficult is to give me your charger? How difficult is it after the fact that you meet me the night before(yes...she did meet me...lucky me..lol).Why is it that people are so bloody finicky to help you.I wouldn't mention all the others involved in this debacle as I want to be politically correct.Hell yes...I am so bloody politically correct.No phone,no contacts ,no money...You can't ask for more.Can you?
Fortunately I managed to find a place to sleep without spending a penny.Credits to me and my journalistic instincts(Am kidding).just that I managed to convince this guy in my Friend's hostel that I need info about how marathi weddings are conducted.Trust me ,he managed to explain me everything and Voila it was twelve in the night.What now? He understood that it was quite late for me to return to my NON-EXISTENT home.Just to make it look genuine I told him how expensive it is to find a place so nice like mine.I also had tobacco with him (guthkha as it is known locally) just to make this scenario look genuine and make him feel at home at his own house.I kept on chewing tobacco and he kept on chewing my head (talking about marathi weddings) till the time we reached the big stage of a wedding "Honeymoon".

PS :(to be continued as someone is insisting me to leave the office)

A beautiful song and a phony girl(??!!)

Just went through this amazing song.Just me and some of those crazy moods where I am in love with a song and nothing else...Just like that.You will never know.Maybe you should also go through the song.Cheers !!

Your Turn : Helloween

Now there is this day,
a lot of things are changing
Can't just kick it away,
got to get things right
Sometimes it happens fast and
nothin' seems to last
The thing that I once started
isn't mine
anymore
I guess now it's my turn

You've got a face like a child,
got a mind like a woman
Your smile is warm and tender
I hear the people say
that I should stay away
From you and all the problems you might bring
They'll never know--
you. Nobody ever knows what to do
They'll never see you cry
They'll never know why

Now it's your turn to break free
When you want it all you've got to see
Now it's your turn to break free
When you want the life,
you've got to see what it means

See the little boy holding mama's hand
His eyes can see the things we've long forgotten
The world is easy now--and somehow
He's right Until there is this day when Mickey Mouse must go away

It's your turn to break free. . .
This world is crying to be free
This world is dying can't you see
We need a turn to do it right
We need a mind-revolution
To get away from this selfishness
Stop playing blind--break free

Don't know, but somehow this is ringing on my head since morning. Hope you get a chance to listen to it as well and enjoy it.

Jus' another boring day on its way.Today is some one's birthday and I have tried getting through her no. and it seems she is still pissed off with whatever happened on that night (18Th June).Then again, I am not going to take help of some melodrama and tell her to forget it.I have done enough of it and I hate phonies or being phony.Now if you wanna know what I mean by being phony please read " Catcher in Rye" by J.D Salinger. Maybe she is a good friend,maybe she is feeling bad or maybe she is just another PHONY !!!
PS: Had a confession of sort with a fellow blogger yesterday and felt good about it.Some things in life never change and some people like me never learn. Hope I stop being such a confused soul.

Saturday Blues (Sucker Saturday) !!

Having a terrible day.Off job and on job !! When you meet your targets you are the king.Now I am turning out to be the sucker at work coz I am not meeting my so called targets and also that I am not being able to adhere to so called routines which is not so important when you are performing.?You don't then you are the sucker.And right now I am Sucker & I hate it so much.Having two continuous bad weekend I am not liking it.

My phone bills are sky high and I am not sure whats in store now.luckily for me,I happened to get a place.Not that I have shifted out ,but then a beautiful room,a clean room-mate and also a cute dog,two turtles and an aquarium.Just keeping my fingers crossed and hope that all turns out well.Hopefully I will be having a shelter soon.Do feel like venting out my frustrations on those who could have helped me now (in terms of accommodation).However they didn't.Feel like cursing myself and my generosity.Feel like reminding a few of my so called friends that they stayed at my place for months and didn't pay a dime for it.Wish ,I was a bit selfish.Maybe I wasn't taught to be one.

PS: Having a terrible cold and my nose has become Water-King dome !!!

Thursday Blues

Seems like things are turning from bad to worse.Did everything what a drunkard does yesterday.Couldn't handle my drinks as well as my temper yesterday.I really wonder why I behaved like that yesterday.Maybe it was the face of that guy,which I hate a lot OR maybe it was just another alcohol effect.I am feeling disgusted at myself.High time I sort out my life soon.

Having a bad hangover today.Meeting up with better people and having loads of biscuits are not helping either.Am really broke and loosing money yesterday has added my misery.I am completely drained, mentally.
Pressure @ work is increasing and constant nagging of some people are not helping either.The scenes of free-lancing are also not so encouraging.Need to sort out my life and need to do it soon.

PS: Listening to "Patience" by GnR and "Jealous Guy" by John Lennon for obvious reasons.

Music...

Finally managed to download some music @ office.Downloading can be a real pain at times.Finally could download "Since I don't have you" by Guns and Roses.The best part of the song is that GnR actually made this song their own, without ruining it. Probably only Axl Rose can sing a 50s Classic as a Hard Rock Singer and make it sound so good... Nice .After such a boring day @ work finally a nice song to get over the bore dome.The song was written by someone way back in 50s I suppose.I am not sure about his name.But,what a song.Suits my mood right now though doesn't necessarily mean that it signifies something.Do let me know who actually wrote the song.It's gonna be 06:00 pm and I am rushing to the party.

I don't have plans and schemes,

And I don't have hopes and dreams.

I don't have anything,

Since I don't have you.

And I don't have fond desires,

and I don't have happy hours.

I don't have anything,

Since I don't have you.

Happiness, and I guess,

I never will again.

When you walked out on me,

In walked ol' misery,

And he's been here since then.

(spoken) Yeah, we're fucked!
I don't have love to share,

And I don't have one who cares.

I don't have anything,

Since I don't have you.

You, you, you, oh, oh!

You, you, you, oh, oh!

You, you, you, oh, oh!

You, you, you, oh, oh!

You, you, you, oh yeah!

Also managed to download Video of November Rain.Classy.One of my old-time favourite ! Will certainly upload it in the blog.

God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you

Put it in the soul of everyone !!!

Cheers

What goes Around.....Comes around

Yesterday...just another day which is not worth mentioning.Don't have anything better to do,so I have no option but to continue boring you .What do you do when you feel that people who matter to you a lot ignore you and people whom you ignore try to stick to you?What you do when something you long for vanishes before it reaches your hands? What do you do when your thought process is not at all clear and you spend hours thinking?

Take a real life situation.There is this man who is blind from his birth.He has no clue of the beautiful world around him and has no clue about the word beauty.There is another person who lost his eyesight in an accident.The pain of being blind is far more with the second person as he lost his sight after experiencing vision for several years.My state is that of the second person.Now don't ask me why?

Spent the evening with a friend @ her place talking about life and what a bitch life is.Got a call from someone who wanted me to sort out her love life.The same person had called me a month back and had said that after I came back from Assam I have made a mess of their already peaceful life.The irony of life.This person was asking me if I can use some magic to bring back her love.Well...if I knew ,then I would have been still going around with her sister (whom I used to....ahem ahem).Unfortunately,even though I want to be rude,I can never be.Seems,her life is in a mess.I don't know how I can help her (Am not sure if I want to help her out in the first place).It's OK to hurt someone,but they never realise that same could happen to them as well.

What goes around...Comes around !!!!

Tuesday Blues

At times the weight of your expectations pull you down.Yesterday was quite a contrast to day before.Day started off with some stupid conversations with useless people and then wasted the whole day @ work.The blues of rejection,desperation and as of now I feel like a fallen star.

The initial euphoria at work is gone.Whole week has passed and I haven't done any productive work.I feel ,I am letting down every one's expectations and hopes.Feeling miserable as I am not tasting success for quite some now.

Just when I thought it was all over,past revisited again.Spoke to two of my li'l angels who used to be very close to me.One of them reminded me of the days last year when we got drenched in the rains and all we did was finish half a bottle of Old Monk.(Read:Friday, June 29, 2007 blog entry)Things have changed.Those memories are worth cherishing ,but it makes me depressed as well.Why does it happen to me only?
Past Tensed
Present Imperfect
Future Uncertain & Confusing !!

All that Glitters is not gold

Jus' a while back I have realized some thing:

"All that glitters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told"

Maybe I am saying that after a harsh realization.
This phrase was taken from Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice.

MOROCCO:
O hell! what have we here?
A carrion Death, within whose empty eye
There is a written scroll! I'll read the writing.
All that glitters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told:
Many a man his life hath sold
But my outside to behold:
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
Had you been as wise as bold,
Young in limbs, in judgment old,
Your answer had not been inscroll'd:
Fare you well; your suit is cold.

One of the most frequently misquoted phrases. The original phrase is "All that GLISTERS is not gold" and comes from Shakespeare's Merchant Of Venice. The majority of people now misuse it, replacing the archaic verb glister with the much more understandable glitter, and since the two mean near enough the same thing, one can see why.

The phrase simply means that just because something may look valuable, desirable or attractive, it does NOT mean that it definitely will be worth having once you discover its true nature. So basically, don't rely on the superficial.

Just mentioned the above 'coz at times one needs to keep in mind certain things which we often tend to forget.
Right now I am having an uneventful evening with 101 things in my head and I have nothing else to do in the office sitting all alone except for dealing with my own demons.

From North to South and A Lovely Person

What happens when you have the perfect company and everything looks honky-dory till a little confusion crops up.

That's what happened with me yesterday.Day as usual started in the afternoon after a disturbed sleep ,bad dreams and a bit of persuasion.It's quite obvious that you will get a disturbed sleep when you go on eating some one's head for hours in the night.You end up screwing some one's sleep and manage to do it yourself as well.Later on I felt like an idiot.I have never repeated myself so many times.To be precise I kept on repeating the same thing for 1 hour, 13 minutes and 34 seconds.Seriously!!! Maybe that persuasion helped.I really felt sorry for the person as I didn't get brickbats or abuses in the end.

Evening was great.Beautiful weather and an amazing company.Just like the day gives way for the night,similarly the fun gave way to some ugly confrontations.The constant phone calls punctuated the fun ,just like howling of foxes in a cool autumn night.Maybe you can't have all the fun and joy at one go.I feel bad for those people who have to bear so much of tensions in a day.

Whatever it was,yesterday was one of the very few better days in B'bay since I came back from Assam.All credits to the beautiful company I had.It's a different story altogether that I went through quite a few embarrassing moments.But all this was worth for the beautiful time I had.

PS: After staying in B'bay for last 8 years I have realised that VASAI is indeed very far off.We travelled from South B'bay to North B'bay all in a few hours of time.However the nice time I had compensated everything.Life indeed is so strange.Wish things are such forever. Then again time never waits.

PSS: I am getting so used to staying in churchgate with cutting chai and that old lady who loves eating burji pao!!

Some Confusions and an irritating meeting

DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance to someone living or dead is AGAIN is purely coincidental.If someone can associate himself or herself then it's not my problem.I take no responsibility for any misunderstandings in the near future.So all you can do right now is ignore this piece of nonsense or read on without getting too concious.

Some nice things which are happening in my life.Am so tired of running around here and there looking for a place.After some running around finally got to see the face of my salary.I don't mind saying that my Boss is indeed a sweetheart.(so far so good)

Unfortunately I had to go and meet a friend of mine(A) yesterday and guess what it was a special day for her.Honestly speaking I don't like her much.Still then I had to meet her.Her friend(B) is a close friend of mine.A and B are again great friends.So, if

A = B & B = C then A = C Not necessarily it hold true in each and every case.

Over here A = C and I am C

B had told C that if C gives some flower to A then A will be really touched.C felt like an idiot after giving the flowers. The reasons are :

1) C spent 100 bucks on the flower

2) C spent 10 bucks on travelling to A s house

3) A didn't even acknowledge the flowers

4) C gets goosebumps whenever he sees A (personal reasons)

5) In the night when C met some of his other friends he was informed that A had organised a party and he was not even invited.So much I had heard about flower power.

Got another shocker of a lifetime yesterday.There are two people C knows.

Lets say A & B .

A & B are romantically inclined.

C thinks he is a good friend of B though A & C are pals as well.

C has of late started talking to B a lot.Now

If A loves B (because A & B get along well) and

B loves A (because A & B get along well)

not necessarily

C loves B (even though C and B get along well)though

C does admit that he likes B a lot.Now C is in a dilemma as B thinks C likes B (now there is a thin line between loving and liking) and C is confused.I am sure B must be confused as well.As far as the question B asked...the answer is "Its for C to know and for B to think"

C is confused because he likes B a lot ,not necessarily love B.Maybe some god-damn mathematician will find a way to solve this puzzle and write a theorem,just to help C.

By the way got hurt ,thanks to the love affair between the rickshaw I was travelling and a speeding car.May such things stop.I am not OK with a broken heart but I am all the more not OK with a bruised leg and a swollen hand.Now I am confused whether a broken heart is far better than a few broken bones or it is the other way round.

PS: No prizes for guessing (again)

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

One more rainy day.God only knows how many more.I am so tired.So lost .So down.I only know how I am getting impatient with each passing day and how the rains are not helping my cause. Had an eventful evening yesterday(Oh!!I don't remember half of it)Marine Drive,the rains and the ice-cream.Why is it that when you need something badly and you will never find it.Need a place to stay ...can't find it.Needed an umbrella yesterday ..couldn't find one.In the end when I got it ...it was a bit too late.However had quite a bit of soul searching yesterday night with a friend of mine.Though we hit it off like a house on fire,I (me..the constant hot headed one) always used to find some fault or the other.However,had it not been him I would have got screwed big time in B'bay this month.

DISCLAIMER: ANY RESEMBLANCE TO SOMEONE LIVING OR DEAD IN THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL AND THE AUTHOR TAKES NO RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER FOR ANY FALREUPS IN THE FUTURE.IF SOMEONE FEELS OFFENDED THEN HE/SHE CAN KISS MY @^$$ !!! CHEERS

Having fun @ work except for a constant NAG.Why is it that you want someone to be a bit more patient and all you find is an irritating ,selfish,snooty slob.Maybe I am exaggerating a bit ,but I hate it when someone tells me what to do and what not to do.It is like teaching your POP how to fuck!Why is it that the same person has problems with people meeting me or me meeting people,people talking with me or me speaking to someone,people calling me or me calling someone when I am doing good(So Good) at work.Jealousy,Possessiveness or plain immaturity.Whatever it is..its not so nice.I hate it so.Feel like listening to RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE's "Killing in the name of".

Maybe the song can't be related to her in any way if not for this line

"Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

Motherfucker!

Uggh!

PS: No prizes for guessing !!

Oh ..what a mess !!

What happens when you are flooded with all the seven emotions. Joy,Anger,Anxiety,Pensiveness,Grief, Fear, Fright!!Its like you are going on a one way track and all of a sudden your thinking has derailed.Its chaos everywhere and you don't know where to go and whom to look for.That's what happened to me yesterday and I still don't know whats in store for me in the near future.
You don't need a rocket scientist's brain to realise what has happened.Yesterday was a continuation of the day before.Finally I was getting a chance to meet her and make amends.Things moved pretty smoothly but my mouth which suffers from verbal diarrhoea on a normal day couldn't even utter a single word.All I could do was repeating myself.Joy and grief are two faces of the coin.Maybe the joy I got when I met her was as much as the grief of not having her by my side.Maybe, now I am talking crap and am sure that you must be laughing at my plight.

Remember "Estranged" by GnR

I'll never find anyone to replace you

Guess I'll have to make it thru,

this time- Oh this time

Without you

I knew the storm was getting closer

And all my friends said I was high

But everything we've ever known's here

I never wanted it to die

I never want to be in such a state.But it's happening again.All thanks to those three pegs three days ago.Alas....me and my stories!!!!!!!

None in hand nor in bush !!!

My office:
Was it lack of sleep or something else ..I really don't know.Feeling very sleepy and tired.Life at this moment looks like a slow train crawling through the vast plains on a hot summer afternoon.All I can see are blank faces reminding me of nothing.Completely inert and expressionless faces.

Now a piece of my heart or maybe a piece of $%@#
Maybe it was just a push which i needed badly or an inspiration which you get when you are three pegs down.Gathered enough courage to call her up yesterday.I didn't have any expectations.Just had a notion that if I call up,someone might come out of the phone and tear me apart.Had too many things to say but couldn't.So many things went running through my head but i couldn't hold on to one.Only thing I did was repeating myself.Pink Floyd's "Wish you were here" is ringing on my head and it is doing nothing to help my cause.

"None in hand nor in bush !!!"
Someone ditched me today.You can call her "Fragrance"..I mean the Idianised version of it.God only knows the number of days I am chasing her.I wanted her so badly to drop into my office.A perfect candidate for a perfect job and an answer to my target(God I hate this word).The cat and mouse game happened almost twenty days back.When I called her up for the first time she said that she is in Jaipur and she will definitely meet me when she comes back to B'bay.Then Jaipur blasts happened.I was so scared.Luck was on my side.She was safe.She promised me that she is coming back very soon.Finally last Saturday she came back to B'bay from Jaipur.She promised again .When I asked her to get her resume and photographs ,she sounded baffled.I had to convince her that I am not going to keep her photos in my wallet.Monday came.Still no signs of her.In the night when I called her up she said that she was expecting my calls.Hell....what a lie.She promised to come on Tuesday.Again a lie.I am so used to them by now.Came Wednesday.She promised me that she will surely come on Thursday.I confirmed it twice yesterday.Hell...finally ,I got through her number.I started dreaming about my targets being achieved .I was so glad.Comes Thursday.I don't have any candidates lined up today except for this sweet li'l girl whom I have never met and whose name sounds like "Fragrance".I am so high on confidence(what do you think? Nowadays I don't get high on fragrances).After all "one in hand is better than two in bush".I call her up.No answer.I called again.Still no answer.I am so tired now.Even after calling her for more than twenty times she is not responding.All I can hear is "Nothing's gonna change my love for you".....I am so tired of listening to it.Again a real bad day.
"None in hand nor in bush !!!"
My targets are still to be achieved.If only she really meant "Nothing's gonna change my love for you" I would have achieved my targets.Hope her caller tune actually personifies the girl she is.Maybe she will come tomorrow.Waiting for a better day..........

My Past...Can't leave it behind.

Finally I am kicking some ass at the office.Everything is falling in its place.Meeting targets,creating a good rapport,getting contacts...well it is all happening.It is no longer boring.After some three years finally I am getting job satisfaction.Touch wood !!

Apart from work,there is hardly anything to talk about.Socialising is next to negligible.Don't have a place to stay and living life like a rolling stone.Met up with some friends yesterday.Had a career centric conversation after ages.Hopefully I will make it big in a few months time.
Missing home a bit.Well.....quite a lot.Even memories of Marine lines haunt me at times.Those days in the PG,loud music,going to Xavier's in the evening,the conversations till morning...I miss them a lot.I hate to admit it but still can't get over those days.I am not sure whether I should try to get over it or whether I should cherish those sweet memories. I never wanted things to go so wrong.Still wonder where did I go wrong.I don't want to sit and cry about my past,but it (past) always crops up whenever I am happy.Maybe I am being punished for everything I did in the past....It's easy to say that I should leave my past behind ,but somehow or the other it never leaves me,it's just like a shadow whom you can't leave behind.

????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

Getting irritated at work today.Not able to meet the target ,and still trying hard.

Often you learn so many things at work.Here I am learning quite a few new things.One of them is how people ditch you.I still have to master the art of deceiving people and also the art of convincing people.Having a tough time convincing people to take the bait.Many a times it is the other way round.You just can't think of a way to ignore some who just love to sit on your head.

Watched an AC/DC concert yesterday.At home of course.Just dramatising the whole scene.Someone had given me the CD few days back.finally I can say that I am not musically deprived.The raw power and evil combination of Bon Scott and Angus Young is insane.
Hopefully I will get some time to read some books now.Trying to get a copy of Chetan Bhagat's new one.Heard it is good.Tired of the monotony of life these days.Maybe I deserve it.........

Yesterday !!

Finally after quite sometime did some socialising yesterday.The usual bitching and drinking sessions.I feel quite relaxed and contempt with the way things are going these days.Though I don't have much of a social life nor the will to socialise ,I don't get bored like earlier.Office gives me that peace of mind which I was looking for all this while and its only work which I look forward to.

The night was fun.the usual suspects dealing with our doomed fate.remembering all those who were so nice to us(pun intended).Xavier's college and Malhar !!! The crazy days in college and those wild nights.Remembering college and cursing those moments when we were broke.Stealing a smoke during the break and bunking mostly all those lectures.Things were so different then.Maybe over the years we lost our innocence.We all have changed so much.No longer we have those music sessions and no longer we spend hours talking about those cool rock bands of the seventies.Maybe I got a glimpse of those days yesterday.
Apart from that nothing else is so happening in my life these days.No loving and no money.Remembered a line from Mr.Mick Jagger's Angie:

With no loving in our souls and no money in our coats
You cant say we are satisfied...................................

what I used to think...and what I really am

Been quite some time i have actually gone ahead and wrote something in my blog.I have not read too many books nor have I written anything.

As mentioned earlier was in Assam.Things have really changed.People have changed and I am back to the place I was before.Life at this moment have probably completed one full cycle.
Before going to Assam (all this while in B'bay) I used to feel that I was really cool.I had a perfect life.A perfect place to live in B'bay.I was a so called Townie.At least I used to feel like one.Had a girlfriend whom I used to adore (Die hard romantic speaking),a decent inflow of money(Thanks to the booming B'bay industries),great parties in the room (Galaxies of friends were always there for some fun).

Now i am back in the same state. Home (Assam) made me realise my priorities(At least that's what I feel now).The so called love life is no more.It has ceased to exist.Won't say she left me.Maybe love left me.No longer stay in town.I don't know whether I left that place or the place threw me out.Forget how it feels to chill out.No longer get time or get people to hangout with.I am not so cool anymore (maybe I never was..).Paradise lost? Not really!!!Only decent thing which happened all this while was getting a decent job (**Guardian angels are always there**).Maybe the realisation of roots was lost somewhere,but it's never too late.I used to think I had the perfect life till i realised that this is not what I want.

A REALISATION

It's Only Me(posted by Calisto/Bern,Switzerland on 30th Septhember)
http://calisto.aminus3.com/image/2007-09-30.html

I found a little angel who had fallen from the sky
and i took that little angel and I taught her how to fly
when the night is done and the morning comes
it's only me


Not that I was doing something very productive these days but I was busy.
Assam..it's so beautiful! Can't get enough of it and don't really feel like coming back.I don't know what made me stay away from home for so long.Maybe my selfishness,may be my laziness or may be I was more devoted to something I shouldn't have. I was so lost in things I shouldn't have been. Those pseudo affectionate people(I wonder if a word like pseudo affectionate ever exist.However those concerned will get it clearly).I learnt the lessons in a very hard way(I always get it the hard way ,but I never learn).People I was close to kept digging my past till they came to the point of no return.Not that it harmed me in anyway,but it surely made me think.It made me think what is really worth dying for,who is really worth all the loving. After staying away from the mad city,I have realised that it's only you who will be with you no matter what.May those who have blessed me(????) and those who have cursed (!!!!) keep on doing the same.What I tried doing all these years was done by them in a few days.Maybe I will laugh about all these in the years to come.
Good Morning Sunshine !!!