Confessions of a Back Packer !!

Just another day at work with no productivity and I just hate it.I hate to admit it ,but I have really slowed down of late in terms of results.No matter how hard you work, your efforts are appreciated only when you give results and of late I am not doing it.Hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

Had a terrible weekend.Me and as usual my problems with the phone.Just that my phone lost an essential part of it.It's charging point.Just like the way we remember our behind only when we need it desperately,you don't think of the charging point of your cell-phone ,till your phone starts beeping reminding of the ever depleting battery.Anyway after realising that my battery is about to die I started thinking of all the people who can help me and bail me out of this mess.Only person I could remember at that point of time is this lovely girl who used to be my soul mate few months back and trust me I am still bleeding from that break up(now that is too much...but who cares).Now don't think that there is some connection of the phone with her ,but just that she stays in town and I was there at that point of time.Moreover I thought that probably her sister could also help me out(regarding the phone...idiot) as we had quite a heart-to-heart session few days back(Refer: What comes around ,goes around ).The answer I got was quite disgusting as one was not sure whether I could come over and the other was not sure if her charger was working.Hell yes...they ditched me ,and quite convincingly they pissed me off.How difficult is to give me your charger? How difficult is it after the fact that you meet me the night before(yes...she did meet me...lucky me..lol).Why is it that people are so bloody finicky to help you.I wouldn't mention all the others involved in this debacle as I want to be politically correct.Hell yes...I am so bloody politically correct.No phone,no contacts ,no money...You can't ask for more.Can you?
Fortunately I managed to find a place to sleep without spending a penny.Credits to me and my journalistic instincts(Am kidding).just that I managed to convince this guy in my Friend's hostel that I need info about how marathi weddings are conducted.Trust me ,he managed to explain me everything and Voila it was twelve in the night.What now? He understood that it was quite late for me to return to my NON-EXISTENT home.Just to make it look genuine I told him how expensive it is to find a place so nice like mine.I also had tobacco with him (guthkha as it is known locally) just to make this scenario look genuine and make him feel at home at his own house.I kept on chewing tobacco and he kept on chewing my head (talking about marathi weddings) till the time we reached the big stage of a wedding "Honeymoon".

PS :(to be continued as someone is insisting me to leave the office)

A beautiful song and a phony girl(??!!)

Just went through this amazing song.Just me and some of those crazy moods where I am in love with a song and nothing else...Just like that.You will never know.Maybe you should also go through the song.Cheers !!

Your Turn : Helloween

Now there is this day,
a lot of things are changing
Can't just kick it away,
got to get things right
Sometimes it happens fast and
nothin' seems to last
The thing that I once started
isn't mine
anymore
I guess now it's my turn

You've got a face like a child,
got a mind like a woman
Your smile is warm and tender
I hear the people say
that I should stay away
From you and all the problems you might bring
They'll never know--
you. Nobody ever knows what to do
They'll never see you cry
They'll never know why

Now it's your turn to break free
When you want it all you've got to see
Now it's your turn to break free
When you want the life,
you've got to see what it means

See the little boy holding mama's hand
His eyes can see the things we've long forgotten
The world is easy now--and somehow
He's right Until there is this day when Mickey Mouse must go away

It's your turn to break free. . .
This world is crying to be free
This world is dying can't you see
We need a turn to do it right
We need a mind-revolution
To get away from this selfishness
Stop playing blind--break free

Don't know, but somehow this is ringing on my head since morning. Hope you get a chance to listen to it as well and enjoy it.

Jus' another boring day on its way.Today is some one's birthday and I have tried getting through her no. and it seems she is still pissed off with whatever happened on that night (18Th June).Then again, I am not going to take help of some melodrama and tell her to forget it.I have done enough of it and I hate phonies or being phony.Now if you wanna know what I mean by being phony please read " Catcher in Rye" by J.D Salinger. Maybe she is a good friend,maybe she is feeling bad or maybe she is just another PHONY !!!
PS: Had a confession of sort with a fellow blogger yesterday and felt good about it.Some things in life never change and some people like me never learn. Hope I stop being such a confused soul.

Saturday Blues (Sucker Saturday) !!

Having a terrible day.Off job and on job !! When you meet your targets you are the king.Now I am turning out to be the sucker at work coz I am not meeting my so called targets and also that I am not being able to adhere to so called routines which is not so important when you are performing.?You don't then you are the sucker.And right now I am Sucker & I hate it so much.Having two continuous bad weekend I am not liking it.

My phone bills are sky high and I am not sure whats in store now.luckily for me,I happened to get a place.Not that I have shifted out ,but then a beautiful room,a clean room-mate and also a cute dog,two turtles and an aquarium.Just keeping my fingers crossed and hope that all turns out well.Hopefully I will be having a shelter soon.Do feel like venting out my frustrations on those who could have helped me now (in terms of accommodation).However they didn't.Feel like cursing myself and my generosity.Feel like reminding a few of my so called friends that they stayed at my place for months and didn't pay a dime for it.Wish ,I was a bit selfish.Maybe I wasn't taught to be one.

PS: Having a terrible cold and my nose has become Water-King dome !!!

Thursday Blues

Seems like things are turning from bad to worse.Did everything what a drunkard does yesterday.Couldn't handle my drinks as well as my temper yesterday.I really wonder why I behaved like that yesterday.Maybe it was the face of that guy,which I hate a lot OR maybe it was just another alcohol effect.I am feeling disgusted at myself.High time I sort out my life soon.

Having a bad hangover today.Meeting up with better people and having loads of biscuits are not helping either.Am really broke and loosing money yesterday has added my misery.I am completely drained, mentally.
Pressure @ work is increasing and constant nagging of some people are not helping either.The scenes of free-lancing are also not so encouraging.Need to sort out my life and need to do it soon.

PS: Listening to "Patience" by GnR and "Jealous Guy" by John Lennon for obvious reasons.

Music...

Finally managed to download some music @ office.Downloading can be a real pain at times.Finally could download "Since I don't have you" by Guns and Roses.The best part of the song is that GnR actually made this song their own, without ruining it. Probably only Axl Rose can sing a 50s Classic as a Hard Rock Singer and make it sound so good... Nice .After such a boring day @ work finally a nice song to get over the bore dome.The song was written by someone way back in 50s I suppose.I am not sure about his name.But,what a song.Suits my mood right now though doesn't necessarily mean that it signifies something.Do let me know who actually wrote the song.It's gonna be 06:00 pm and I am rushing to the party.

I don't have plans and schemes,

And I don't have hopes and dreams.

I don't have anything,

Since I don't have you.

And I don't have fond desires,

and I don't have happy hours.

I don't have anything,

Since I don't have you.

Happiness, and I guess,

I never will again.

When you walked out on me,

In walked ol' misery,

And he's been here since then.

(spoken) Yeah, we're fucked!
I don't have love to share,

And I don't have one who cares.

I don't have anything,

Since I don't have you.

You, you, you, oh, oh!

You, you, you, oh, oh!

You, you, you, oh, oh!

You, you, you, oh, oh!

You, you, you, oh yeah!

Also managed to download Video of November Rain.Classy.One of my old-time favourite ! Will certainly upload it in the blog.

God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you

Put it in the soul of everyone !!!

Cheers

What goes Around.....Comes around

Yesterday...just another day which is not worth mentioning.Don't have anything better to do,so I have no option but to continue boring you .What do you do when you feel that people who matter to you a lot ignore you and people whom you ignore try to stick to you?What you do when something you long for vanishes before it reaches your hands? What do you do when your thought process is not at all clear and you spend hours thinking?

Take a real life situation.There is this man who is blind from his birth.He has no clue of the beautiful world around him and has no clue about the word beauty.There is another person who lost his eyesight in an accident.The pain of being blind is far more with the second person as he lost his sight after experiencing vision for several years.My state is that of the second person.Now don't ask me why?

Spent the evening with a friend @ her place talking about life and what a bitch life is.Got a call from someone who wanted me to sort out her love life.The same person had called me a month back and had said that after I came back from Assam I have made a mess of their already peaceful life.The irony of life.This person was asking me if I can use some magic to bring back her love.Well...if I knew ,then I would have been still going around with her sister (whom I used to....ahem ahem).Unfortunately,even though I want to be rude,I can never be.Seems,her life is in a mess.I don't know how I can help her (Am not sure if I want to help her out in the first place).It's OK to hurt someone,but they never realise that same could happen to them as well.

What goes around...Comes around !!!!

Tuesday Blues

At times the weight of your expectations pull you down.Yesterday was quite a contrast to day before.Day started off with some stupid conversations with useless people and then wasted the whole day @ work.The blues of rejection,desperation and as of now I feel like a fallen star.

The initial euphoria at work is gone.Whole week has passed and I haven't done any productive work.I feel ,I am letting down every one's expectations and hopes.Feeling miserable as I am not tasting success for quite some now.

Just when I thought it was all over,past revisited again.Spoke to two of my li'l angels who used to be very close to me.One of them reminded me of the days last year when we got drenched in the rains and all we did was finish half a bottle of Old Monk.(Read:Friday, June 29, 2007 blog entry)Things have changed.Those memories are worth cherishing ,but it makes me depressed as well.Why does it happen to me only?
Past Tensed
Present Imperfect
Future Uncertain & Confusing !!

All that Glitters is not gold

Jus' a while back I have realized some thing:

"All that glitters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told"

Maybe I am saying that after a harsh realization.
This phrase was taken from Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice.

MOROCCO:
O hell! what have we here?
A carrion Death, within whose empty eye
There is a written scroll! I'll read the writing.
All that glitters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told:
Many a man his life hath sold
But my outside to behold:
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
Had you been as wise as bold,
Young in limbs, in judgment old,
Your answer had not been inscroll'd:
Fare you well; your suit is cold.

One of the most frequently misquoted phrases. The original phrase is "All that GLISTERS is not gold" and comes from Shakespeare's Merchant Of Venice. The majority of people now misuse it, replacing the archaic verb glister with the much more understandable glitter, and since the two mean near enough the same thing, one can see why.

The phrase simply means that just because something may look valuable, desirable or attractive, it does NOT mean that it definitely will be worth having once you discover its true nature. So basically, don't rely on the superficial.

Just mentioned the above 'coz at times one needs to keep in mind certain things which we often tend to forget.
Right now I am having an uneventful evening with 101 things in my head and I have nothing else to do in the office sitting all alone except for dealing with my own demons.

From North to South and A Lovely Person

What happens when you have the perfect company and everything looks honky-dory till a little confusion crops up.

That's what happened with me yesterday.Day as usual started in the afternoon after a disturbed sleep ,bad dreams and a bit of persuasion.It's quite obvious that you will get a disturbed sleep when you go on eating some one's head for hours in the night.You end up screwing some one's sleep and manage to do it yourself as well.Later on I felt like an idiot.I have never repeated myself so many times.To be precise I kept on repeating the same thing for 1 hour, 13 minutes and 34 seconds.Seriously!!! Maybe that persuasion helped.I really felt sorry for the person as I didn't get brickbats or abuses in the end.

Evening was great.Beautiful weather and an amazing company.Just like the day gives way for the night,similarly the fun gave way to some ugly confrontations.The constant phone calls punctuated the fun ,just like howling of foxes in a cool autumn night.Maybe you can't have all the fun and joy at one go.I feel bad for those people who have to bear so much of tensions in a day.

Whatever it was,yesterday was one of the very few better days in B'bay since I came back from Assam.All credits to the beautiful company I had.It's a different story altogether that I went through quite a few embarrassing moments.But all this was worth for the beautiful time I had.

PS: After staying in B'bay for last 8 years I have realised that VASAI is indeed very far off.We travelled from South B'bay to North B'bay all in a few hours of time.However the nice time I had compensated everything.Life indeed is so strange.Wish things are such forever. Then again time never waits.

PSS: I am getting so used to staying in churchgate with cutting chai and that old lady who loves eating burji pao!!

Some Confusions and an irritating meeting

DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance to someone living or dead is AGAIN is purely coincidental.If someone can associate himself or herself then it's not my problem.I take no responsibility for any misunderstandings in the near future.So all you can do right now is ignore this piece of nonsense or read on without getting too concious.

Some nice things which are happening in my life.Am so tired of running around here and there looking for a place.After some running around finally got to see the face of my salary.I don't mind saying that my Boss is indeed a sweetheart.(so far so good)

Unfortunately I had to go and meet a friend of mine(A) yesterday and guess what it was a special day for her.Honestly speaking I don't like her much.Still then I had to meet her.Her friend(B) is a close friend of mine.A and B are again great friends.So, if

A = B & B = C then A = C Not necessarily it hold true in each and every case.

Over here A = C and I am C

B had told C that if C gives some flower to A then A will be really touched.C felt like an idiot after giving the flowers. The reasons are :

1) C spent 100 bucks on the flower

2) C spent 10 bucks on travelling to A s house

3) A didn't even acknowledge the flowers

4) C gets goosebumps whenever he sees A (personal reasons)

5) In the night when C met some of his other friends he was informed that A had organised a party and he was not even invited.So much I had heard about flower power.

Got another shocker of a lifetime yesterday.There are two people C knows.

Lets say A & B .

A & B are romantically inclined.

C thinks he is a good friend of B though A & C are pals as well.

C has of late started talking to B a lot.Now

If A loves B (because A & B get along well) and

B loves A (because A & B get along well)

not necessarily

C loves B (even though C and B get along well)though

C does admit that he likes B a lot.Now C is in a dilemma as B thinks C likes B (now there is a thin line between loving and liking) and C is confused.I am sure B must be confused as well.As far as the question B asked...the answer is "Its for C to know and for B to think"

C is confused because he likes B a lot ,not necessarily love B.Maybe some god-damn mathematician will find a way to solve this puzzle and write a theorem,just to help C.

By the way got hurt ,thanks to the love affair between the rickshaw I was travelling and a speeding car.May such things stop.I am not OK with a broken heart but I am all the more not OK with a bruised leg and a swollen hand.Now I am confused whether a broken heart is far better than a few broken bones or it is the other way round.

PS: No prizes for guessing (again)

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

One more rainy day.God only knows how many more.I am so tired.So lost .So down.I only know how I am getting impatient with each passing day and how the rains are not helping my cause. Had an eventful evening yesterday(Oh!!I don't remember half of it)Marine Drive,the rains and the ice-cream.Why is it that when you need something badly and you will never find it.Need a place to stay ...can't find it.Needed an umbrella yesterday ..couldn't find one.In the end when I got it ...it was a bit too late.However had quite a bit of soul searching yesterday night with a friend of mine.Though we hit it off like a house on fire,I (me..the constant hot headed one) always used to find some fault or the other.However,had it not been him I would have got screwed big time in B'bay this month.

DISCLAIMER: ANY RESEMBLANCE TO SOMEONE LIVING OR DEAD IN THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL AND THE AUTHOR TAKES NO RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER FOR ANY FALREUPS IN THE FUTURE.IF SOMEONE FEELS OFFENDED THEN HE/SHE CAN KISS MY @^$$ !!! CHEERS

Having fun @ work except for a constant NAG.Why is it that you want someone to be a bit more patient and all you find is an irritating ,selfish,snooty slob.Maybe I am exaggerating a bit ,but I hate it when someone tells me what to do and what not to do.It is like teaching your POP how to fuck!Why is it that the same person has problems with people meeting me or me meeting people,people talking with me or me speaking to someone,people calling me or me calling someone when I am doing good(So Good) at work.Jealousy,Possessiveness or plain immaturity.Whatever it is..its not so nice.I hate it so.Feel like listening to RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE's "Killing in the name of".

Maybe the song can't be related to her in any way if not for this line

"Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

Motherfucker!

Uggh!

PS: No prizes for guessing !!

Oh ..what a mess !!

What happens when you are flooded with all the seven emotions. Joy,Anger,Anxiety,Pensiveness,Grief, Fear, Fright!!Its like you are going on a one way track and all of a sudden your thinking has derailed.Its chaos everywhere and you don't know where to go and whom to look for.That's what happened to me yesterday and I still don't know whats in store for me in the near future.
You don't need a rocket scientist's brain to realise what has happened.Yesterday was a continuation of the day before.Finally I was getting a chance to meet her and make amends.Things moved pretty smoothly but my mouth which suffers from verbal diarrhoea on a normal day couldn't even utter a single word.All I could do was repeating myself.Joy and grief are two faces of the coin.Maybe the joy I got when I met her was as much as the grief of not having her by my side.Maybe, now I am talking crap and am sure that you must be laughing at my plight.

Remember "Estranged" by GnR

I'll never find anyone to replace you

Guess I'll have to make it thru,

this time- Oh this time

Without you

I knew the storm was getting closer

And all my friends said I was high

But everything we've ever known's here

I never wanted it to die

I never want to be in such a state.But it's happening again.All thanks to those three pegs three days ago.Alas....me and my stories!!!!!!!

None in hand nor in bush !!!

My office:
Was it lack of sleep or something else ..I really don't know.Feeling very sleepy and tired.Life at this moment looks like a slow train crawling through the vast plains on a hot summer afternoon.All I can see are blank faces reminding me of nothing.Completely inert and expressionless faces.

Now a piece of my heart or maybe a piece of $%@#
Maybe it was just a push which i needed badly or an inspiration which you get when you are three pegs down.Gathered enough courage to call her up yesterday.I didn't have any expectations.Just had a notion that if I call up,someone might come out of the phone and tear me apart.Had too many things to say but couldn't.So many things went running through my head but i couldn't hold on to one.Only thing I did was repeating myself.Pink Floyd's "Wish you were here" is ringing on my head and it is doing nothing to help my cause.

"None in hand nor in bush !!!"
Someone ditched me today.You can call her "Fragrance"..I mean the Idianised version of it.God only knows the number of days I am chasing her.I wanted her so badly to drop into my office.A perfect candidate for a perfect job and an answer to my target(God I hate this word).The cat and mouse game happened almost twenty days back.When I called her up for the first time she said that she is in Jaipur and she will definitely meet me when she comes back to B'bay.Then Jaipur blasts happened.I was so scared.Luck was on my side.She was safe.She promised me that she is coming back very soon.Finally last Saturday she came back to B'bay from Jaipur.She promised again .When I asked her to get her resume and photographs ,she sounded baffled.I had to convince her that I am not going to keep her photos in my wallet.Monday came.Still no signs of her.In the night when I called her up she said that she was expecting my calls.Hell....what a lie.She promised to come on Tuesday.Again a lie.I am so used to them by now.Came Wednesday.She promised me that she will surely come on Thursday.I confirmed it twice yesterday.Hell...finally ,I got through her number.I started dreaming about my targets being achieved .I was so glad.Comes Thursday.I don't have any candidates lined up today except for this sweet li'l girl whom I have never met and whose name sounds like "Fragrance".I am so high on confidence(what do you think? Nowadays I don't get high on fragrances).After all "one in hand is better than two in bush".I call her up.No answer.I called again.Still no answer.I am so tired now.Even after calling her for more than twenty times she is not responding.All I can hear is "Nothing's gonna change my love for you".....I am so tired of listening to it.Again a real bad day.
"None in hand nor in bush !!!"
My targets are still to be achieved.If only she really meant "Nothing's gonna change my love for you" I would have achieved my targets.Hope her caller tune actually personifies the girl she is.Maybe she will come tomorrow.Waiting for a better day..........

My Past...Can't leave it behind.

Finally I am kicking some ass at the office.Everything is falling in its place.Meeting targets,creating a good rapport,getting contacts...well it is all happening.It is no longer boring.After some three years finally I am getting job satisfaction.Touch wood !!

Apart from work,there is hardly anything to talk about.Socialising is next to negligible.Don't have a place to stay and living life like a rolling stone.Met up with some friends yesterday.Had a career centric conversation after ages.Hopefully I will make it big in a few months time.
Missing home a bit.Well.....quite a lot.Even memories of Marine lines haunt me at times.Those days in the PG,loud music,going to Xavier's in the evening,the conversations till morning...I miss them a lot.I hate to admit it but still can't get over those days.I am not sure whether I should try to get over it or whether I should cherish those sweet memories. I never wanted things to go so wrong.Still wonder where did I go wrong.I don't want to sit and cry about my past,but it (past) always crops up whenever I am happy.Maybe I am being punished for everything I did in the past....It's easy to say that I should leave my past behind ,but somehow or the other it never leaves me,it's just like a shadow whom you can't leave behind.