Why???

At times some weird ideas run through my head.Probably they come when I am all dfazed and confused and can't think of something else!!! Probably thinking about unthinkables...contradicting myself !!!

Why Calamities are of two kinds?

misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Why do I believe in luck?

how else can you explain loosing out everything you tend to loose !!

Why nothing fixes a thing so intensely in memory as the wish to forget it?

Why we never say that we lost the game? Why do we say that we ran out of time?

Why do always cherish the misconception you have about someone you know?
Why is it that only I can provide something which you need badly : My absence.

Maybe I will say I don't want you to read this...But why am I writing it anyway?

Mr. Antulay...What's wrong with you?

It happened before and it has happened again.News of the day: Minority affairs misnister " A R Antulay" demanded a probe into the shooting of ATS chief Hemant Karakare on 26/11.He claims that it was a cover-up as he was supposedly involved in the probe of Malegaon blast.I am simply annoyed and surprised at his allegations.Where was Mr.Antulay when all the terrorists were going bonkers?Is he aware of the fact that quite a few NSG commandos died fighting them?To get his facts right ... weren't there quite a few cops who laid their lives saving our skin?Maybe he didn't think about it...Agreed ...Mr.Karkare was investigating the Malegaon blasts , but isn't Mr. Antulay just supporting some Pakistani scribes who are claiming that the whole 26/11 episode was a handiwork of Hindu Zionists.I think he is wrong. All for some bloody publicity Mr. Antulay has hurt the sentiments of all the people who suffered during this carnage directly or indirectly.

"Sir !! Please get your facts right and then speak out.You have some responsibilities so please SHUT UP...when you really can't talk any sense."

Sum of all Fear !!

Sick and tired of looking at all these newspaper showing numbers and 
stats of everything and anything.X number of people died in Y number of 
blasts with Z number of injuries. Numbers in politics. How many more 
candidates do we require to form the government? Everyday I read these 
set of TEN questions put forward by a local daily about what Mumbaiites 
are asking? How many soldiers are dying everyday? For how many months 
the investigations will continue? How many innocent lives? How many 
broken homes ? I am fiddling around with numbers as well ...how many 
buses I should miss so that I get the least crowded bus? My fears and my 
beliefs...crowded places attract more terrorists.Will it be OK if I miss 
THREE more locals so that I get a slow train? Why I feel that a fast 
train might have a bomb? Why have I started feeling that the SIXTH and 
the SEVENTH (Saturday n Sunday) day are more prone to attacks ? Its been 
more than TWO weeks... SIXTEEN days to be precise since 26/11 and I am 
still scared. Still not sure if everything is alright.I can't say that I 
am not scared.I seriously am !!!However I wont keep quiet .I wont let my 
anger calm down...not so soon..even if I am ONE of those numbers who are 
suffering.


PS : I am the saddest person today as my Boss (The coolest Boss on 
Earth) is leaving for Australia. Hope he comes back soon !!!! Maybe , I 
have to start counting the number of days he will take to come 
back....again these bloody numbers !!

I am A POLITICIAN

I am a bloody Politician.
I came and I left , but my legacy remains !!
The same tarnished image
So full of lust , so bloody insane !!

Doesn't matter if my city burns
Doesn't matter if everyone dies,
Nothing can change me , nothing can move me
Be it your dying daughter or my mother's cries !!

I may say that you can't stay in my city
I forgot that some of you died saving the same city
"I Will face your calamities" Am kidding !!
I wouldn't dare !!!
I am there for all of you,
Have no fear !!

Got no respect for laws,coz I am the Law !!
Wherever I go,make sure you make the way
Don't you forget to bow .
Doesn't matter if you get shot on your way home
I am your protector ." Yes I am the one"

Your home was gutted,your mother was raped !!
You were there and I was always hiding behind you.
Why are you complaining now?
Wasn't it you who got me here ?
Don't regret !! Of Course . It was you !!

Is there any way out?

Every time I go and sit in front of the T.V. same pictures come to my head.Someone running away from the chaos,someone hiding in some corner or someone who is so shocked that he doesn't know where to go or where to run.Boom boom...Bang !!! 

Irrespective of such huge losses..nothings gonna ch

ange ! Life moves on right? I am surprised at the fact that all politicians are more concerned about earning some brownie points before the elections.Home minister has resigned.Seems like he took the moral responsibility.Was he sleeping all this time? Deputy CM of Maharashtra has the audacity to say that such small incidents keep on happening in a big city like Mumbai.What was he thinking when he said so?Is that we keep waiting for 

a bigger disaster where more than a thousand die.Someone is always busy making the North- West divide.Did he realise that there were lots of non-Maharashtrian cops who laid their lives protecting us ? Hope he has some bit of shame inside him.Maybe I am wrong.

One of my friend told me that "Every country deserves the government it has" . Maybe he is right coz we are so indifferent, least bothered about what is happening around us . Who takes the responsibility. Its about time that the citizens take responsibility,as Government is doing nothing.If needed we should take the law in our hands and I don't think that will be a bad idea. I can't see any other way out...what about you?

                                                                                                                                            

Just another blast...Big Deal !!!

Another busy day filled with news reports of death,blood and tears.God only knows how many died and how many more are going to die.We will forget soon...afterall they are just numbers.It really gives me creeps thinking about the fact that someone next to me is planning to create a major chaos ...mass destruction.Someone I saw in the train is going to blow the whole goddamn train.Someone partying in a disco is actually planning to blow the whole thing up...Can you believe it? Naaah...I am just kidding darling !!!

No matter whatever happens India is shining.Crap !! Its burning !!

We will fight back...bull shit !! We will let some innocent cops die.

What about the SPIRIT OF MUMBAI ? We will drown all these pain with some beer in a nearby pub...if not tomorrow ,then next week !!!

What happens to the country? Our politicians are there for us baby!! So many of them.They have found a hot topic for election debate.You know all of these mayhem was due to some foreign forces.How lame !!

What happens to Mumbai stalwarts claiming that Mumbai is for only for the locals.The great North - West divide !! What about those guys who laid their lives just to save our arses? Well maybe they are an exception...aren't they? Our h'norable ministers found enough time to hog the limelight in the prime time television.Every body wants to be a part of the action ..no matter what.Everyone's got a great story to talk about...oops I forgot to mention that they are the main leads of these stories. Damn...they are so cool...I mean the politicians.

Let the country burn !! WE are there to enjoy all of it.The politicians wont mind the country getting screwed Right,Left and Centre !! Oh!! They are so good at that.

So where do we go from here?

Is the government going to do something about all  these chaos ? Maybe till the time this news gets old ,they will forget.I don't blame them!! They have too many things on their plate right now...so lets not bother them at all.

Maybe some zillion years from now we will have a safe and secured life.Till then.... !!!!

When will it end ????

Another day aand another mayhem.B'bay was rocked by one of the worst terror attacks and we all are helpless.Some crazy lunatics went on a killing spree here killing hundreds and injuring thousands.Buning quite a few places and wiping thousands of dreams and hopes.

Its not about how many people died but the way they died.I am going through mixed emotions...that of sorrow..anger and frustration.Hostage drama is still going on.Feeling sorry about the brave cops who died in the process.I have just realised how wrong I was in criticzing cops all the time.If only I could have done something.

Me and my friends were lucky.Otherwise I wouldn't have been itting here writing this page.I was near Oberoi hotel waiting for my friends.Luckily I met them in Marine Drive opposite the ill fated hotel.Firing started after fifteen minutes.We were lucky. Then we decided to head off to another place to have dinner.Couldn't make it.Unfortunately there was a blast at that place also.We wre lucky for the second time.By the time I reached home it was two in the night.Luck was surely with us.

When this chaos going to stop? How long we will keep quite?Why can't we make them taste their own medicine? They will hurt us no matter what we do,so might as well hurt them and get lkilled.I know for a fact that I am fighting for a lost cause.Isn't there anything we can do? How long do we wait? Can't anyone help us? Can't we fight back? Heaven only knows !!!

Random quotes

Packing , unpacking running off to this place or that are the only thing I am doing these days.Frustrations at office and top it up with the chaos at home.It surely is taking its toll.There is a saturation point and I feel I am the threshold.All these anger and frustrations might bast up anytime and I am really not looking forward to it.Nothing seems to work out and I hate being at the back foot.I really wonder why there are so many hypocrites and selfish people surrounding me.Getting kicked around all the time is not a pleasant thing.Things I want to forget keeps on coming back.The past starts haunting me whenever I am in my comfort zone.Graves are dug again and again.Things are going haywire and I cant find any remedy to it.

Enough of my cribbing.God !! I sound like one old complaining granny.

I am in a very abstract mood.Sometimes when you feel something about someone, you just hope that the feelings are mutual....but the irony is that it never works out with anyone.There is a constant feeling of mistrust.If only all such things existed then life would have been so much better.Oh!! Whats wrong with me????

PS: Why the two faces of a coin are so different from each other ? Why cant people come clean? Why do people talk behind our backs? Why there are so much of complications? Why all of us are hypocrites? Why is it that I am the only sufferer?

BADMAN and The Assam Blasts

Guys I don't know whether it is the right thing to address this issue over here again and again and how Bangladeshi migrants have over populated the whole place and how they are creating a breeding ground for terror not only in Assam but all over India.How our indifference is killing us through and through and how nothing has been done about finding the people involved.This needs to be seriously tackled and maybe all of us can come out with something concrete.

A News article says that one can't also rule out the BADMAN theory which was circulating on the net a few months ago.This theory propagated has come to fore yet again with the Assam Blasts.The user who posted the topic - many believe he could be one of the terrorists - abbreviated the words in 'BADMAN' in serial order of the target places i.E. Bangalore, Ahmedabad and Delhi.
What next?

Who will it be?

When will it be ?
Maybe some place with "N" or maybe someplace which we can't even think about.
What happened to our so called awesome Intelligence ?
Maybe all we will do is the most convenient thing..by forgetting whatever happened.If that happens then I will pray that we all " RUST IN PEACE "

Present : Imperfact Future : Tensed

New Delhi, November 9 :
A congratulatory message from Bangladesh, intercepted a day after the serial blasts in Assam, holds the key to the investigation into the bombings. The intercept suggests the main planner was in Agartala and adds to evidence against the Harkat-ul-Jehad-al-Islami, which New Delhi will soon take up with Dhaka.
INDIANEXPRESS.COM
Guwahati, November 1 :
In an SMS message sent to local ‘News Live’ television channel, the ISF-IM claimed responsibility for Thursday’s blasts and threatened to carry out more bomb explosions in several parts of the country. “We, ISF-IM, take the responsibility of yesterday blast. We warn all of Assam and India for situation like this in future. We thank all our holy members and partners. AAamin,” the SMS read.
DNAINDIA.COM

These are a few snippets of the terror looming over our head,over our state..over India.The mere thought of someone appreciating for such an act is good enough to send shivers through your spine.Are we doing something about it? Practically No.Today we might catch some of these gentlemen behind this act but tomorrow they will be running Scot-free,killing more in the process.For how long we will adopt this liberal view? For how long we will follow the principle of peace and give a blind eye to such things?

Reports suggested the involvement of ULFA.At first I had my doubts.Can the same people who cry "Assam-Assam" at the simplest provocation join hands with an outsider to carry out such a ghastly act?Maybe I was wrong.I never supported ULFA .Being an Assamese you cant go ahead and burn your heaven.Maybe all these news reports will open our eyes.These terrorists cant be any one's friends or brothers.
Why so much of hatred? Why so much of innocent blood.Had we approached this problem with an iron fist we wouldn't have seen this day.So many families lost their only hope ,the light of their life.Its darkness everywhere.Innocent children for our better tomorrow were killed on their way to school.We were so shattered seeing violence for last 20 years,and this incident will make it all the worse.
Nothing will happen,till we do something. Writing about this issue is not worthwhile either.All we can do is keep our eyes and ears open and do the damage control before its too late.

A silent prayer for all those who departed
&
Hatred for the people who gave us darkness.......

Wake Up

Still can't get over the Blasts.

Why do they have to do something so terrible? I don't want to point fingers,however can't really get stop blaming the so called jehadis.The way they are killing so many innocent people,we don't have any option but to go for the kill.I would also like to thank our Govenment for screwing our lives so much.Was it so necessary to allow all the Bangladeshis to stay in Assam ,just for a few votes.Dirty and disgusting politics.We are the one to suffer for their blunder.Assam has filled with our so called neighbours and I feel thT the day is not far when Assam won't be a part of India.Assam is alrady so full with such refugees that we , the locals will be a minority soon.Why are we fighting to throw I ndians from our state? Instead we should throw all the refugees from our soil. Things which we can do today for the damage control:

1) Stop employing all these refugees for different manual work

2) Stop issuing voter IDs to all these people
3) Once and for all stop all the aids and assistence of these dirty rotten scroundels

4) Put in a serious effort (by hook or by crook) to eradicate these pests.

5) REMEMBER: These people will always try to put us down.If we don't fight back today then we will have no tomorrow. Kill 'em all !

JOI AAI ASOM

Jus' another day

Sometimes you curse your luck for the fact that you have too much of work and wish that your day gets over soon as soon as possible. However today is just the opposite.Lack of work or rather no work at all is making my day miserable.After a sleepless night I was expecting that work will keep me occupied. However here, every minute looks like an eternity.The new place is a total chaos.People are doing everything except work.The lack of professionalism shows irrespective of what clothes you were.I never expected this place to be so unprofessional.Maybe I am true or maybe I have the wrong attitude.Days are becoming really different days. Lots of catching up with certain someone and I hope that such changes don't change at all.

A trippy trip !!!

Finally after struggling for three months we shifted to a real corporate set up.It's not that I didn't like the previous place , but at least I get a chance to work peacefully.The last one month was really hectic, so full of surprises.The number of places I visited during this place. The whole month was full of setbacks, surprises and eventual joys. The joy of meeting new people, old people and the comfort of home. Setbacks...well I wouldn't say there weren't any.There were quite a lot of them. The harsh reality of life ,the fact that human life has no value.The bitter truth that someone's loss is someone's gain.The indifference of people like us and how we have lost all the innocence and ethics.I realised all of them when someone I met the other day is no more.The whirlwind tour of North-East and all those beautiful places.Going to Kohima and Shillong will be forever embedded in my mind.Maybe after several years ,I will remember everything that happened to the minute details coz it was so challenging.Got to visit home for a couple of days and it was such a welcome change.The peace at home and the comfort.Finally got to meet people whom I missed a lot all those while.Realisation of existence of something so pure and finally experiencing it (!!!).Maybe all these days were one of the best days of my life. An experience of a lifetime and memories to be cherished forever.

Dazed and Confused !!

Things at times change so drastically that it becomes difficult to keep a track of what's right what's wrong.It becomes difficult to know when the past left you and the present blows you hard and the future looks so bleak.

Reality:
An Illusion Or was it just a bad dream?
Was sailing in the sea of ecstacy,
With dozens of liitle sparkling bubbles
Remembering those days of agony
And the subsequent moments of happiness
Wondering if it was happening for real
Or the long wait was over.
Take:2
Heaven hasn't opened its door to me
My gem was nobbled
Was caught in my deep slumber
Completely unaware of the imminent catastrophe
I got was what I dreaded the most.
Looked at the mirror and
Saw Someone I hated the Most !!

Now memories are my only salvation
Not sure whom to lean on?
The sinful THEN?
Or the knavish NOW?

Scene:Weird

Tiring days @ work and surprisingly lazy evenings.The same monotony of work,travelling and struggle for survival continues.The cacophony of all the musical instruments at work,the constant nagging of people related to work (No..they are not the ones at office but the ones who call us up)and the work itself is not pulling me down.I am somehow enjoying this chaos and I think I am in total control.I was in control over everything till yesterday.but something swept me of my feet yesterday.Maybe it was the situation or maybe it was just the little sweet gesture by someone special.Whatever it was ,I do thank my stars for it.Not that I don't remember the past,but just that the moment of presence is divine and it negates the bitter past.I really can't and won't think about the future as it is never too rosy.Maybe I should just live the presence and walk on the thin line of bitter-sweet happiness.The past was too great to forget and the presence is too hectic to keep a track off.

PS: Of late I listen to "Creep" by Radiohead every now and then.Thanks to Greg.Nice song and crazy lyrics.

When you were here before

Couldn’t look you in the eye

You’re just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather

In a beautiful world

And I wish I was special

You’re so fuckin’ special !!!

I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don’t belong here.

I don’t care if it hurts

I want to have control

I want a perfect body

I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice

When I’m not around

You’re so fuckin’ special

I wish I was special

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don’t belong here.

She’s running out again,

She’s running out

She’s run run run running out...

Whatever makes you happy

Whatever you want

You’re so fuckin’ special

I wish I was special...

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo,

What the hell am I doing here?

I don’t belong here.I don’t belong here.

Hanging on !!!

These days I am hanging out with guys from the band "FAITH" quite a lot.Right from getting up in the morning to the late night jamming sessions...well ask me about it..am having fun ,loads of it. Every day I turn up at their place in the evening and shamelessly stick around for days.Somehow, I feel these days are probably the best days of my life,considering the fact that I went through lots of shit the whole year. I am planning to start a new blog completely dedicated to Rock N Roll.
Believe it or not,somehow I have started loving my job a lot.My bosses are a bunch of cool and caring people who really make me feel at home.So no more bitching about my bosses. I am still without a phone and I am not complaining.It is helping me in becoming a Socio-Phobic (I really wonder if there is something called socio-phobic).In a way it is helping me as no-one can irritate me by calling up anymore.Still without a place to stay and am living my life as a rolling stone.But..hey I am not complaining.

PS: God knows what happened to me,but tried contacting this bitch from my previous office.Luckily I don't call her anymore.
PS:I have started remembering the good old days in Marine Lines,thanks to the encounter with some old(****) friends of mine.

Take : 2

So finally I am back after running away from myself ,from B'bay , from everyone.Ajmer was fun so was Goa. Not a single day passed without day dreaming: of course about going there again. But here I am , back in he streets without a shelter and without having any clue of where I am heading to.

Luck is with me though.Got a job with two coolest bosses and am feeling at home.However my search for an accommodation still continues and I hope lady luck smiles.It was a frustrating day filled with lots of double standards. Wish I could say it all ,but its so hard.

A new job but not a new beginning. When will the things change? I really don't know.I have given up thinking about it too much.

Confessions of a Back Packer !!

Just another day at work with no productivity and I just hate it.I hate to admit it ,but I have really slowed down of late in terms of results.No matter how hard you work, your efforts are appreciated only when you give results and of late I am not doing it.Hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

Had a terrible weekend.Me and as usual my problems with the phone.Just that my phone lost an essential part of it.It's charging point.Just like the way we remember our behind only when we need it desperately,you don't think of the charging point of your cell-phone ,till your phone starts beeping reminding of the ever depleting battery.Anyway after realising that my battery is about to die I started thinking of all the people who can help me and bail me out of this mess.Only person I could remember at that point of time is this lovely girl who used to be my soul mate few months back and trust me I am still bleeding from that break up(now that is too much...but who cares).Now don't think that there is some connection of the phone with her ,but just that she stays in town and I was there at that point of time.Moreover I thought that probably her sister could also help me out(regarding the phone...idiot) as we had quite a heart-to-heart session few days back(Refer: What comes around ,goes around ).The answer I got was quite disgusting as one was not sure whether I could come over and the other was not sure if her charger was working.Hell yes...they ditched me ,and quite convincingly they pissed me off.How difficult is to give me your charger? How difficult is it after the fact that you meet me the night before(yes...she did meet me...lucky me..lol).Why is it that people are so bloody finicky to help you.I wouldn't mention all the others involved in this debacle as I want to be politically correct.Hell yes...I am so bloody politically correct.No phone,no contacts ,no money...You can't ask for more.Can you?
Fortunately I managed to find a place to sleep without spending a penny.Credits to me and my journalistic instincts(Am kidding).just that I managed to convince this guy in my Friend's hostel that I need info about how marathi weddings are conducted.Trust me ,he managed to explain me everything and Voila it was twelve in the night.What now? He understood that it was quite late for me to return to my NON-EXISTENT home.Just to make it look genuine I told him how expensive it is to find a place so nice like mine.I also had tobacco with him (guthkha as it is known locally) just to make this scenario look genuine and make him feel at home at his own house.I kept on chewing tobacco and he kept on chewing my head (talking about marathi weddings) till the time we reached the big stage of a wedding "Honeymoon".

PS :(to be continued as someone is insisting me to leave the office)

A beautiful song and a phony girl(??!!)

Just went through this amazing song.Just me and some of those crazy moods where I am in love with a song and nothing else...Just like that.You will never know.Maybe you should also go through the song.Cheers !!

Your Turn : Helloween

Now there is this day,
a lot of things are changing
Can't just kick it away,
got to get things right
Sometimes it happens fast and
nothin' seems to last
The thing that I once started
isn't mine
anymore
I guess now it's my turn

You've got a face like a child,
got a mind like a woman
Your smile is warm and tender
I hear the people say
that I should stay away
From you and all the problems you might bring
They'll never know--
you. Nobody ever knows what to do
They'll never see you cry
They'll never know why

Now it's your turn to break free
When you want it all you've got to see
Now it's your turn to break free
When you want the life,
you've got to see what it means

See the little boy holding mama's hand
His eyes can see the things we've long forgotten
The world is easy now--and somehow
He's right Until there is this day when Mickey Mouse must go away

It's your turn to break free. . .
This world is crying to be free
This world is dying can't you see
We need a turn to do it right
We need a mind-revolution
To get away from this selfishness
Stop playing blind--break free

Don't know, but somehow this is ringing on my head since morning. Hope you get a chance to listen to it as well and enjoy it.

Jus' another boring day on its way.Today is some one's birthday and I have tried getting through her no. and it seems she is still pissed off with whatever happened on that night (18Th June).Then again, I am not going to take help of some melodrama and tell her to forget it.I have done enough of it and I hate phonies or being phony.Now if you wanna know what I mean by being phony please read " Catcher in Rye" by J.D Salinger. Maybe she is a good friend,maybe she is feeling bad or maybe she is just another PHONY !!!
PS: Had a confession of sort with a fellow blogger yesterday and felt good about it.Some things in life never change and some people like me never learn. Hope I stop being such a confused soul.

Saturday Blues (Sucker Saturday) !!

Having a terrible day.Off job and on job !! When you meet your targets you are the king.Now I am turning out to be the sucker at work coz I am not meeting my so called targets and also that I am not being able to adhere to so called routines which is not so important when you are performing.?You don't then you are the sucker.And right now I am Sucker & I hate it so much.Having two continuous bad weekend I am not liking it.

My phone bills are sky high and I am not sure whats in store now.luckily for me,I happened to get a place.Not that I have shifted out ,but then a beautiful room,a clean room-mate and also a cute dog,two turtles and an aquarium.Just keeping my fingers crossed and hope that all turns out well.Hopefully I will be having a shelter soon.Do feel like venting out my frustrations on those who could have helped me now (in terms of accommodation).However they didn't.Feel like cursing myself and my generosity.Feel like reminding a few of my so called friends that they stayed at my place for months and didn't pay a dime for it.Wish ,I was a bit selfish.Maybe I wasn't taught to be one.

PS: Having a terrible cold and my nose has become Water-King dome !!!